B4Pro Episode 1: Introduction to B4Pro Xeality Show

Parodies or Career and life before Creature Wrestling
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Daneel Olivaw

Re: The Introduction to CWmwe Xeality Show

Daneel stood in the ring, mouth open, as if he were impersonating a fish. Half an hour ago he had been standing in his laboratory with Calvin. Even though Daneel was the brains behind the Vesalius project, Calvin was his right hand man. Calvin was the eyes and ears of the project and when Daneel downloaded himself to remote locations across the Internet Calvin was the only person who could get him back to base. However, 20 minutes ago Calvin logged off and had not been heard of since. Daneel was completely on his own now, he only had his wits, oh, and the entire repository of human knowledge called the internet at his disposal thanks to the fact that he was permanently connected 24/7 to the ‘net.

It was from the Internet that Daneel now discovered that he was in the midst of a recruitment campaign for the “Creature Wrestling federation” Xeality show. He also knew that the only way out of this hellhole would be to enter the competition and not only wrestle well but become crowned champion of this competition. Perhaps then he could use his power to get himself home. Or that’s what he thought.

So far he had managed to download everything he needed to know about wrestling. All he needed to do now was actually practice these moves until he could do them at a level where he could win matches against the creatures he had seen on the wall in the locker room earlier. Daneel shuddered at this thought.

He moved over to the feeding creature at the other end of the ring, put his mechanical arm around the creature’s neck and pulled it tight. The creature let out an ear piercing scream as the strangle hold tightened around it’s neck. Suddenly the screaming stopped. Daneel opened his eyes to see why and realised that he was now holding a severed head. The rest of the creature, blood spraying from the severed neck, ran blindly towards the ropes, arms waving as it careered out of control until it hit the ropes, bounced back into the ring and lay on it’s back, arms and legs twitching uncontrollably as the last remnants of blood oozed from the severed arteries on to the ring mat.

Daneel look down at the severed head he was still holding and was sure it winked at him. He had forgotten just how strong he was with the cyborg implants in his body and, to be honest, he was both shocked, and, to his alarm, mildly turned on by the violence he had just inflicted on this creature.

“what now?” he thought to himself and simultaneously that thought appeared in his internet chatroom.

He look up just in time to see a rather alarmed looking man striding purposely towards him with a large brown envelope.

“Daneel Olivaw, if you would car to follow me, your limo awaits”

Puzzled, Daneel followed the man out of the arena and into the waiting limo.

Inside the limo, Daneel looked out at the passing scenery. Simultaneously, the live feed on http://www.vesaliusproject.com was being viewed by close on 1000 users.

Over the last half an hour or so news had spread like wildfire through the blogosphere and the usenet chatrooms were abuzz with the news that the human cyborg project, Daneel Olivaw was stranded in an unknown location in mortal danger while his assistant Dr Calvin had mysteriously vanished off the face of the earth.

Even with 1000 users spread across the length and breadth of the United States, Canada and Mexico, no-one could identify where Daneel was. He was in the U.S.A, that much was clear. But where? Well that was the mystery! Even the other month, when Daneel input the wrong I.P address into his uploader and ended up in Hazzard County facing sheriff R.P.Coltraine, the chat room users managed to get a fix on him and download him successfully back to base.

But now he was stranded. He believed the only way out of this place was to fight or to die.

The limo pulled into the driveway of a smart looking mansion. Daneel waited for the door to be opened for him and then stepped out into the blinding glare of several tv spotlights. A microphone was harshly shoved into his face.

“Welcome to the CWB4Pro Xeality Show. I’m your host, Alexander Arcane…. EXCITED?”

“Well, er……..” Daneel spluttered.

“Good, good. Please stand over there with the other contestant, BRAND X”

“Hmmm, so that’s the lunatic’s name is it?” Daneel thought and instantly that thought appeared in his chatroom: #Olivaw on the DALnet irc server.

He moved over to stand next to Brand X who seemed to be extremely excited to see his “old” friend.

“What now?” Daneel both spoke and thought. 1000 users watched the live video stream on his website and collectively held their breath….

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word count: 831
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Brand-X
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 12:45 pm
Location: UK

Re: The Introduction to CWmwe Xeality Show

By now Brandon was fidgeting and trying hard not to stare at The Eagle who had just arrived, instead he decided to answer Daneel's question even though it hadn't actually been to him.

"Well me old matey, lets get inside and see if they have any nice food and goodies, even tin men have to eat right? Besides, I need a pee pee now and me hair needs a bit of a brush to keep it in its pristine condition."

Daneel rolled his eyes but decided that he might be best sticking with the odd Brandon rather than the weird looking Eagle who seemed to think he was some sort of superhero. Brandon strolled majestically towards the front door, he was almost there when the voice in his head began piping up again.

"Do it. Go on you know you want to. That one's even weirder than metal knickers over there, I mean, come on, who wears white trainers as part of a costume?"

Brandon fidgeted some more.

"Shut up! I need a pee pee!"

He now appeared to be having a very animated argument with invisible people and Eagle simply couldn't fathom it at all but Daneel had already worked out that Brandon was struggling with multiple personality disorder. Daneel noted that he seemed to keep it under control the majority of the time but there were times when it seemed to be worse, like when under stress or when over-excited, now he was over-excited. Brandon swiped at thin air with his cane and knocked the head off of one of the expensive garden ornaments, then proceeded to tell it off for getting in his way. Now completely over-excited, Brandon ran round the side of the house, out of sight of the camera's and pee'd all over the prize-winning roses growing there before sauntering back. The voice started up again.

"Go on. Do it, DO it, DO IT!!"

Brandon gave in, he ran pell mell at Eagle, stuck a large pin in the back of Eagles arm before running off screaming at the top of his voice.

"PIN PIN!!"

His insane giggle could be heard from the far side of the house where he was now extracting the contents of the fridge. Daneel shook his head and followed him, for some reason he felt responsible for Brandon, the same way a parents feels towards a slightly backward child. He shrugged at Eagle who was rolling dramatically on the ground.

"It was just a pin, honest, you won't catch anything, he's just a bit....you know....mad."

Daneel wandered in the direction of Brandon's insane singing....
word count: 449
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~~~~~~~ Brand - X ~~~~~~~
The Eagle

Re: The Introduction to CWmwe Xeality Show

The Eagle continued rolling along the ground, yelling agony, as Alexander shook his head in frustration and disgust already. Daneel had already moved on to find Brandon who was tearing about the place, laughing quite manically. It seemed he'd lost his head in the few minutes of being here. Meanwhile, the Eagle looked up at Alexander!


LAWSUIT! I shall sue the villain who has struck me with that metal rod of injustice! He shall pay!

He leapt to his feet.


VILLAIN! GET BACK HERE!!!! I DEMAND COMPENSATION FOR MY PAIN!


He rushed in after them...
word count: 96
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