Interview with Sheri StullRedSpyder
Sitting in his usual chair was Michael Cole. The camera soon pulled back to reveal his guest. She probably didn’t make him feel nearly as nervous as his other guests tended to.
“My guest today is Sheri Stull. First of all, I’ve heard a rumor that you and Deadblood recently took a road trip with Red Spyder, one of Deadblood’s opponents at CreatureMania 13. Do you care to share any details about how that went?”
“Well Cole, let me start by addressing the obvious. Red is actually misunderstood to a degree. People think he is just a disgusting, man whoring, drunken loser. He’s more than that. He’s a disgusting, man whoring, drunken loser who now owes me a front door, and a new backseat.”
“I don’t think I want to know about what he did to the backseat.”
“You’ve been a part of CW for a while now and you’ve encountered quite a few others besides Red Spyder in that time. Do you have any thoughts or opinions you’d like to share about Deadblood’s other opponents?”
“Hmmm, I don’t really make it a point to hang out with the rest of the roster, that’s more Deadblood’s thing. Let’s see… Oh! There was that freaky vampire, that match was kind of fun, although it was also a bit scary seeing as it was my very first match acting as Deadblood’s valet. It definitely inspired me to keep up with my cardio, because there was no way in hell I was going to let that long tongued freakazoid catch up with me!
“That King Guy, he could be alright sometimes. I didn’t like him at first, but he sort of grew on me a bit as time went by. Not everyday that I got to interact with someone who shared some of my own abilities, so that was nice. He was flaky though, and had a really bad temper. It’s too bad, I think it’d have been fun to see what we could have learned from each other. Oh, he also had pretty good taste in cars, I’ll give him that.
“Darkspade… Hmmm. I’m not really sure what to think of him to be honest. I did briefly help him out in the Hell in the Cell match where he and Deadblood faced Red and that one Japanese guy, but to be honest that was kind of personal for me. Anyone who wants to beat Red Spyder with a bat is okay in my book. I do know he and Deadblood don’t have the best past together, but they’ve also recently shown that they can work together when it counts. I guess time will tell.
“There’s that one weirdo who’s always going on about his ding dong, I think he needs to tone down on the eyeliner. It’s not a really good look for him, and someone should tell him that eyebrow pencils work better on your eyebrows, not to pencil in a creepy John Water’s ‘stache. I guess it works for him though, I’m not the fashion police or whatever.
“Finally, there’s that whore Staphanie… but I’ll pass on her, for now. I JUST got the smell of rancid seafood out of my boots.”
“You mentioned Gojinn’s tastes in cars. Supposedly you drive was formerly owned by him. Did he sell it to you before his disappearance?”
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline answering that particular question at this time, Cole.”
“I know you won’t disagree with me when I say you and Staphanie McMahon don’t get along. Is there anything you’d like to say to her now that you’ve had a match against her?”
“Actually, Yes. Yes I would. Staph, you nasty, crab-ridden incestuous skank, you CLAIM to be the biggest thing since fucking sliced bread, and maybe that was true a couple of decades ago before your tits sagged so far you have to watch your knees climbing stairs. The reality is, you’re a washed up, wrinkly, flappy-titted old scarecrow who has the AUDACITY to stick your sweaty funbags in MY boyfriends face on national television, and to top it off SUGGEST he might have enjoyed it. Staph, the ONLY thing he enjoyed that evening was getting as far away from you as humanly possibly, and then watching me slap the shit out of you! Cole, excuse me if this is too vulgar, but I think everyone knows that Deadblood has it pretty damn good at home, and even if that were not the case he wouldn’t fuck you with another man’s dick, you filthy old bitch.
“All you do is prance around the ring while your simpering pussy-whipped brother sniffs your ass, flashing your stupid, shiny belt and crowing that you are the best thing that CW has to offer when it comes to a Women’s Champion. Staph, let me give it to you straight. Yes, you ARE a woman, as much as that sickens me to admit, and yes, you ARE the Champion, for now. The day is coming where you’ll only be able to claim ONE of those things. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really chase after shiny belts, I’m more of a shoe girl. But I can’t think of ANYTHING I’d enjoy more than utterly destroying you in the ring.”
“Staphanie’s brother, Chane, played a big role during your match at CreatureMania. Do you have any words for him as well?”
“I sure do, Cole. Chane, you are a pathetic, weak-chinned, loser. My advice to you is to get your balls out of your skanky sister’s purse, and man the fuck up, if you even can. Maybe then you could manage to get a woman who doesn’t have a cut-rate crab buffet residing between her wrinkly old legs. I don’t think you’ll take any advice from me, so let me go ahead and warn you now. Chane, if you even THINK about interfering in a match between me and that old slut Staphanie ever again, I’ll make damn sure you don’t have to worry about where to put your cock after I beat that ancient whore down because I’m gonna rip it clean off.”
“It was recently announced that CW would have a new brand split and draft, with Staphanie in charge of CWE and Chane in charge of ECF. Is there a brand you’d prefer to be drafted to?”
“Deadblood and I did hear about the brand split, and we’ve discussed what it could mean for us here at CW. It’s been a bit of a hot topic for us, actually. At this time I can’t say what the future will hold for me here, but regardless of what happens I’d prefer to stick with Deadblood. It’s worked well for us so far. Besides, what kind of choice in management IS that really? A nasty old hag and a pandering dimwit who likes to play grabass with his sister?”
“As controversial as it sometimes might be, you’ve not shied away from attacking Deadblood’s opponents when you deem it necessary. Would you be interested in possibly facing any of them in a future match?”
“That’s a good question Cole. If I had the opportunity to face any of Deadblood’s opponents, I’d say that a match between Red Spyder and myself could be interesting. It’s no secret that I can’t stand him and I wouldn’t mind having another opportunity to show him how much I dislike him. Other than that, I wouldn’t mind a chance to face Dor Shi Kun. Maybe I could beat some fucking English into him, and save him the trouble of toting that dusty old geezer out to the ring with him to translate.”
“What about Deadblood? Have you ever thought about having a match against him or has he ever brought the idea up to you?”
“Now THAT could be interesting, Cole. I can’t say I’ve ever entertained the thought of facing him in the ring, but it’s certainly an idea! I think it would be a real challenge, especially given that we’re so close. How do you get the drop on someone who knows every single trick you keep up your sleeve? We know each other too well after all this time, and as such we both know exactly what the other is capable of. He knows how far over the line he can push me before it gets serious, and I also know that I wouldn’t want to be within arm’s reach of him once he was angry. It’d come down to a mindfuck, literally I think. That said though, I’m sure you’re familiar with make up sex, Cole. I can only imagine what would be taking place after a match like that!”
“I can only imagine too…”
“Is there anything else you’d like to say?”
“If you’d asked me a couple of years ago where I saw myself in the future, I can’t say that the name CW would have crossed my lips. I never envisioned what my time here would bring me, on so many levels. I can say that I’ve enjoyed most of it, and even the moments that were not so great still have value to me. At this time I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be than right here. I’m looking forward to what the future has in store for me, and I intend to meet it all head on.”
“Thank you for sitting down with me for this interview, Sheri. And good luck in dealing with Staphanie McMahon. She’s… kind of a bitch.”