The reasons why I believe…

[Admin]

After writing what I felt was a very successful promo—probably one of the best pieces I’ve done with Hell Cat, especially with her shooting on Johnny Napalm—I found myself reflecting on something much bigger: the difference between my mindset today and the one I had more than 26 years ago. And honestly, just saying 26+ years is insane.

At the eFed I’m currently part of, I’m not an official. I’m not management. I’m simply a player—and I genuinely love it that way. Even if an opportunity existed for me to become an official, I don’t think I would want it. I would rather create, write, develop my characters, produce media to enhance my roleplays and promos, and let the people running the fed handle everything else. There is something incredibly freeing about simply being able to play again.

More importantly, I have a tremendous amount of respect for the owners and management because I understand what it takes to keep an eFed alive, especially for years at a time. Running an online community can be exhausting, frustrating, and often thankless—and something we do for fun should never begin to feel like a second job. Management has to balance personalities, storylines, expectations, activity, competition, and an entire roster while somehow trying to keep things equitable. So even when I might disagree with a decision, I find myself looking at the bigger picture now. Whatever minor conflict I might have with something becomes insignificant compared to the fact that somebody is still putting in the effort to give all of us a place to create and play together. For that, I’m grateful.

Looking back, I think that mentality became distorted among players during certain periods of the old eFed days. At its absolute best, CWE was a well-oiled machine. I successfully managed bookings, storylines, and event after event for years, and there were stretches where everything seemed to click. But behind that success was also a tremendous amount of immaturity, entitlement, and negativity from certain people. Instead of appreciating what was being created, some treated the fed as something to exploit for their own personal recognition or gain.

That does not mean I handled everything perfectly. Far from it. There are absolutely things I could have done differently and decisions I would make differently today. What I recognize now is that years of negativity, conflict, and ungrateful behavior eventually began to corrode me as well. Instead of remaining above it, I reacted to it. I allowed other people's behavior to influence my own, fed into conflicts that didn't deserve the energy I gave them, and sometimes became part of the very problem that frustrated me. Age and distance have made it much easier to recognize that.

My perspective today is very different. When I participate in an eFed now, I deeply respect the work of management and the creative efforts of the other players—even when their ideas, styles, or perspectives differ from mine. Interestingly enough, working professionally with elementary school children has probably influenced that growth more than I ever expected. It has taught me to consider perspectives other than my own, recognize that people respond differently to situations, and approach disagreements with considerably more patience and empathy than I might have decades ago.

I just needed to get all of that out of my head, lol. After more than 26 years around this hobby, I firmly believe that every eFed that has survived for any significant amount of time has chapters in its history that weren't particularly great. There were arguments. There were mistakes. There were personalities that collided. There were periods when things probably came dangerously close to falling apart. But perhaps longevity isn't about never experiencing those moments. Maybe longevity is about surviving them, learning from them, adapting, and finding people who still care enough to keep the lights on.

And after everything—the successes, failures, friendships, conflicts, stories, championships, characters, mistakes, and lessons—I can still say that CWE remains something I love and cherish deeply. It is a jewel from another era of the eFed world that somehow continues to have a heartbeat more than a quarter-century later.

Maybe the greatest difference after all these years is that I no longer feel like I need to control where the game goes.

I'm simply grateful that, after 26 years, I still get to play.